The Letter Of The Soul
by MycroftsAngelEyes
Summary: A letter from Ianto to Jack explaining how he feels... not as boring as it sounds... it's very interesting, mysterious even! Janto heart-to-heart! 8/5/09 - I'm adding reply letter from Jack!
1. The Letter Of The Soul

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, which is probably better for them!**

**Set: Not too long after KKBB S2.**

**Author's Note: I have just discovered something... Johnny Cash and trying to write Ianto-like go pretty well together! Yes, that is one of my most unusual discoveries. Anyway, I wanted to write this as a letter to Jack from Ianto because, in lots of fanfics I've read people are always going on about the fact that Ianto doesn't seem to talk to Jack about how he really feels when regarding Jack dying and so on. So I thought, well he doesn't say but no-one said anything regarding him _writing_ it down for Jack to see.**

**The Letter Of The Soul**

_Jack, Thursday 12th June 2008. _

_My dear precious Jack. You understand how strong my love for you is don't you? You realise that everytime I see you die, everytime you slip away from me even if it's just for a little while, I feel like someone has ripped out my heart and is presenting it to me, laying my emotions bare for me to see. My raw grief, my ever-so-carefully contained anger, my undying and unrelenting love for you, my overwhelming longing to just have you back, to be in your place just so I didn't have to watch you die. _

_You are an immortal man Captain, you have seen time, you have seen death, you have denied it yourself, you have watched and wondered through each age to now, you have fought and still fight to deny how you feel for you are always left behind in the end, I know it must hurt more than I could know for I am not you. I have never seen the horrors that you have, but I have seen my own, horrors that even to this day cause me more pain and despair than ever before. _

_I know from experience how it feels to be left behind to not have been taken by death when those you know have, you wish for you to be taken for them to remain and for you to be gone. It is when you realise that you survived, that you continued on when they fell that you can't bare to look at yourself, to see the creature that survived when they died. _

_Trust me Jack, I know how you feel more than you realise. You are not alone in this Jack and although my death may come, most likely sooner than later due to the life expectancy of a Torchwood operative, you must understand something. I love you with even fibre of my being, I would let the universe burn just to save you. You mean that much to me Jack that nothing could stop me if you were in danger._

_You say that you're immortal and that I don't need to put myself in the 'line of fire' for you, but when Jack, when, will you realise that I put myself in the 'line of fire' to protect you because I can't bare to see you die, it hurts me so much Jack._

_One day you will see me die, and I will no longer be, but you will only see me die once Jack – I won't come back like Suzie tried. You will lose me only once, you will not hear my words from my mouth again. But I see you die constantly Jack. Compare how you will feel when I pass, that is how I feel everytime I watch life leave you. The light leave your eyes, you body cease to have you within it, until you return. Gasping back to life, fear gripping you so tightly that I feel worse than I do when I watch you die. You see nothing of me, I don't exist to you for only a few brief moments in time and that breaks me Jack. Breaks me more than I know even understand, more than I could ever put in words._

_I need you to understand Jack, that though you are immortal it doesn't mean you can be so uncaring towards yourself. You can't always take the bullet for another Jack. But you will, I know you will because you don't want to see others die when you can come back so 'easily'. _

_I know you more than I know myself Jack Harkness and that causes me to wonder if you know me more that I do. Because if you do then you would know how I feel when you sacrifice yourself and are blatant about your death and resurrection._

_I love you Jack. I love you – no other words can describe my love for you and those three words 'I love you' don't show enough of it._

_Your Ianto_

**I really should focus on school-work but this seemed more appealing. School-work... or, Janto? Hmmm, is there really ANY competition! Of course there isn't. Do tell me what you think please, I hate not having feedback.**


	2. The Letter Of Truth

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, which is probably better for them!**

**Set: Not too long after KKBB S2.**

**Author's Note: I decided to listen to John Barrowmans 'Another Side' when writing this and I think it's worked well. Okay, now I wasn't planning on doing this. I wasn't going to add another letter to this but as some of you guys have asked me to I shall. Question: Did anyone see John Barrowman on My Family last night? I was drooling and cursing Susan!!**

**Thanks for the compliments guys, I shall do my best on this for all of you =)**

**Enjoy.... tissues' might be a good idea! I set these last year because it wouldn't fit around now with Tosh and Owen – sob!**

**The Letter Of Truth**

_Saturday 14th June 2008_

_Jones, Ianto Jones, _

_I have lived for centuries without you. I have had other loves and other lives where I didn't belong. I'm a man out of his time, and yet I fit in so well with you. Torchwood is a duty, an obligation that I will fulfil to the human race. When I first joined Torchwood I was a man that I don't wish to recall, one who I would wish for you never to see. _

_I moved on when I found a purpose; to find the Doctor and find out if he could fix me. I wasn't meant to be; a freak of nature according to one who I am glad to say no longer lives. I saw the things he did to you, to all of you and I am still forced to think of it everytime I see your faces'. I hide it well I think from the others, but not you. You see right through me as though I'm only a thin sheet of transparent glass. _

_I don't want to hide from you, from your penetratingly, powerful eyes. I have only met one other who could look at me the way you do and see what's truly beneath the layers of lies. The Doctor was that one other, but even he could never see me as clearly as you do. _

_I know you believe I love Gwen, and its true I do, but not in the way I love you. The love I have for Gwen is more-so based on a long, fruitless attempt at being normal. I don't want to live forever, I would adore it if I were to live only one lifetime; one lifetime to spend with you. I am fascinated by her wide-eyed, child-like wonderment at the beings we encounter – or most of them. But that is all, she doesn't compare to my love, fascination and infatuation with you._

_I am addicted to you, my dear Welshman who see things with such clarity, who knows what we need before we do. You never seemed surprised but I'm sure you are somewhere within that carefully moulded mask that you wear. Your suit of perfectly, tailored perfection that is your armour. _

_I wish I could have watched you grow from a child into the man you are now. I wish I could have stopped the horrors in your life so you could be the happy care-free young man that you ought to be now. I wish I could be with you and pass with you into nothingness rather than be forced to continue without your voice in my ear, my lips upon mine, your eyes of the clearest blue. _

_I shouldn't admit it when it will only cause me heartache later on, but I will because you deserve to know how I feel even if I fear admitting the truth because I will not wish to continue on without you with me. _

_I love you Ianto Jones. I love you more than the universe could ever comprehend. Nothing that exists will ever measure up to you Ianto Jones. You are immeasurable. You are more timeless than I can ever be because I will NEVER forget you! My memory may weaken and the things that I remember with clarity now may become fuzzy as time goes on but I will never forget your face, your voice, your eyes, your everything because I will recall it. I will force myself to never forget you because I don't want to forget the one man who got into my heart and stood resolute when I tried to evict him. You are where you will be not matter what will happen. I may find another love but no-one and no-thing will ever take the place that you do._

_My heart is yours, you own it, you reside within it. You will never leave because I will never let you now. You will always remain 'My Ianto' because I am 'Your Jack'._

_Your Jack_

**I hope none of you are crying though I know I was nearly drowning my laptop when I was writing this! I wish RTD would find a way for Ianto to live AT LEAST a couple of centuries longer!! **

**LONG-LIVE JANTO!!**


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